I have never experienced a shortage of male attention. When I was a child, most of the boys gave gifts to me. Because of such attention, I couldn’t decide which one I really liked.
One was beautiful, one was kind, one was smart, one could make me laugh until I cried. And I wanted it all in one person.
When I turned with questions about the boys to my mother, she shut me off with a wall, we never had a spiritual closeness of mother and daughter.
Through my own conclusions I decided that to find the man of my dreams is possible only by trial and error.
This led to the fact that gradually casual relationships became commonplace for me, but I never found my one and only.
Distorted Reality
If there was a contest for the number of casual hookups, I’d definitely be in the top three. By the time I was 28, I had a lot to brag about.
Casual hookups have become the norm for me. Over the years, I stopped choosing only unmarried men.
Today, that fact doesn’t matter to me.
I always think that suddenly this man will turn out to be the one, what does his wife and children matter then.
Today divorces have become a common reality, and casual sexual relations do not surprise anyone at all.
Come to think of it, slept with someone, relieved stress and forgot about it.
Psychologists believe that this view of the search for your only one prevents real marriage and even just self-esteem.
Casual relationships are a sign of a complete mess in the head, soul and life in general. It is a distorted reality and a distorted understanding of one’s loneliness.
Meetings, as a rule, last until bed acquaintance, and then the interest disappears. The need to constantly see a new face has become my need.
It happens that the very first meeting ends in bed, especially if it is accompanied by an interesting conversation over a “glass of wine”.
It’s like a fellow traveler on the train, met a stranger, talked to him and forgot.
More and more often I think about the fact that the only one I’ve ever been with was a glimpse of a passing landscape in the window of a moving train or car.
What comforts me is that casual liaisons today are accepted as reality.
I don’t have a finger pointed in my face or back and told that I’m a woman of easy virtue, as they used to say in the days of our mothers and grandmothers.
Children of Casual Relationships
Since ancient times, it is believed that children born from a casual relationship are doomed to a difficult and sad fate.
Modern psychology states that much depends on the person himself, but not everything. The fault of parents in the troubles of such children is really obvious.
How not to protect yourself, but a few abortions still had to be done. When I was 27, and the only one was not found, I decided to have a child after a casual relationship for myself.
The father was a married man in the science field. We spent a wonderful week with him while he was on a business trip in our city.
I even fell a little in love and he just had an interest in me. When I got pregnant, I did not hesitate to give birth to this child.
Today my son is 4 years old, and his biological father has no idea of his existence.
My friends advise me to find the father of the child and put him on notice, but I do not want to destroy his family life.
After all, it was a casual, non-committal relationship. He left and forgot I existed. I don’t need anything from him. He gave me the most precious gift in this world without knowing it.
The son could not change the way of life that had already been established. Very soon I realized that a casual relationship and a child are quite compatible.
Behind my back I often hear talk that a woman who enters into promiscuous relationships left and right, can not be a good mother, much less claim to be happy with a man.
But these conversations do not touch me at all, because I am not going to conduct any paternity tests and claim for something.
I do not need it, I got what I wanted, and the father of my child let him live peacefully and happily.
Pathology or Lifestyle?
Numerous casual relationships contradict the common sense laws of society, do not fit into the framework of generally accepted morality.
But, according to psychologists, can be a protective model from childhood traumas associated with the fear of intimacy, openness and betrayal.
If someone likes such a life, it is not worth breaking it and remaking yourself by force.
Recently, more and more often I began to catch myself thinking that while enjoying casual relationships, I completely forgot about their instability, about the desire to find the one and only loved one for permanent comfort.
I am 32 years old, and I still get a high from casual relationships. It’s a lifestyle I have a hard time backing away from.
My best friend, who knows a lot but not everything (I don’t like to talk about my intimate life) has already hinted to me more than once that something is wrong with me, that it’s some kind of pathology that needs to be treated.
After much deliberation, I went to see a psychologist. I told him about my relationships with men and asked her directly if she thought it was an abnormality.
I was asked a counter-question: “Admit to yourself, do you aspire to a permanent relationship?” I realized with horror that I was not.
How did the psychologist help me? By realizing that the love of casual relationships is not a pathology or a mental abnormality, but an established lifestyle.
I’m sure many will read my revelation with judgment. But I don’t care.
I remember with pleasure the feeling when in the morning I get out of the bed of a new acquaintance, who was not in my life yesterday and will not be tomorrow, quietly get dressed while he sleeps, and leave, closing the door behind me.
Or sometimes he wakes up, poorly understanding who I am, and hurries to say goodbye forever.
There’s a beauty in that kind of relationship. I realize that it is hard for people who have not experienced something like this to understand me.
In conclusion, I want to sincerely say that to my great regret, I still have not experienced the happiness of waking up after a night with my one and only beloved. I don’t even know if it will ever happen in my life.
I wrote my confession as a challenge to society’s sanctimonious and arrogant attitude towards casual relationships.
I’m trying to build a permanent relationship, but it hasn’t worked out yet. Despite this lifestyle, I have a beloved son.
Dear women, I am not making excuses, I am not waiting for approval, I am not afraid of condemnation of my behavior, which seems unworthy to many.
I just want understanding and recognition of the right to casual relationships as a way to find the one and only.
Sing up with Google