Dating in Indiana

Dating in Indiana: What I Actually Tell My Friends

Here is what I see in my practice every single day. Smart people. Successful people. People who can run companies and manage teams and negotiate contracts. And they are absolutely powerless when it comes to relationships.

Why? Because love makes us stupid. And fear makes us even stupider.

We are so afraid of being alone that we will accept almost anything. We will accept breadcrumbs and call it a meal. We will accept confusion and call it mystery. We will accept pain and call it passion.

I had a client who told me she stayed in a situationship for two years because she was afraid no one else would want her. Two years. She had a master’s degree. She owned her own home. She was gorgeous. And she believed she was not good enough.

That is what a situationship does. It eats away at your self-worth until you believe you deserve nothing.

The Word I Cannot Escape

Situationship. It is everywhere now. People use it like it is normal. Like it is just another stage of dating.

It is not. It is a black hole. It is a place where people go to get their needs met without having to meet yours.

I have a friend in Indianapolis who has been in a situationship for a year and a half. A year and a half. She goes to his family events. She helps him pick out clothes. She is the first person he calls when something goes wrong.

And she still does not know what they are.

I asked her why she does not just ask him. She said, “I am scared of what he will say.”

And I got it. I really did. But I also told her something that made her angry. I said, “You are not scared of what he will say. You are scared of what you will have to do if he says it.”

She did not talk to me for a week. But when she came back, she said, “You were right. I knew. I have always known. I just did not want to deal with it.”

No Strings Dating Is a Lie

I hear this phrase all the time. No strings attached dating. Like it is some kind of freedom. Like it is liberating.

It is not. It is just another way of saying, “I want all the benefits of you without any of the responsibility.”

I had a client who was in a no strings dating arrangement for six months. She told me she was fine with it. She was cool. She was modern. She was not like those other women who got attached.

She was not fine. She was crying in my office every week. She was not sleeping. She was not eating. She was pretending to be someone she was not.

When I asked her why she kept doing it, she said, “Because if I tell him I want more, he will leave.”

And I said, “So let him leave.”

She looked at me like I had just slapped her. And then she started crying. Hard. Realizing that the person she was most afraid of losing was not him. It was herself. And she had already lost herself.

Unrequited Love Almost Destroyed My Best Friend

I have a best friend named Claire. She has been my friend since college. And I watched her spend four years of her life in love with a man who did not love her back.

Four years. She went to his family holidays. She helped him move. She supported him through a job loss. She was there for everything.

And he never chose her. He just kept her around because she made his life easier.

When he finally met someone else and got married, Claire was destroyed. She called me and said, “I wasted four years of my life. Four years. I could have met someone else. I could have traveled. I could have done anything. Instead, I waited for him.”

I did not know what to say. Because I had warned her. Multiple times. I had told her he was not going to change his mind. I had told her she was wasting her time.

But she could not hear it. Because she was so convinced that if she just loved him enough, he would finally see her.

That is the trap of unrequited love. It is not romantic. It is not noble. It is proof that you are willing to accept less than you deserve.

My Favorite Places to Meet Singles in Indiana

Okay, let me tell you something that actually works. Because I know you are tired of hearing the same advice about apps and bars.

I have a client who met her husband at a pottery class in Indianapolis. She did not go there to meet anyone. She went because she wanted to learn something new. And there he was. He was terrible at pottery. She was terrible at pottery. They laughed about it together. And six months later, they were engaged.

I have another client who met his girlfriend at a volunteer event in Bloomington. He was there to pack meals for families. She was there too. They talked. They connected. Not because they were trying. Because they were both just being themselves.

I have seen it happen at farmers markets. At running clubs. At bookstores. At art galleries. At community theater productions. At hiking groups in Brown County.

The common thread? None of these people were looking. They were living. They were showing up as themselves. And that is what made them attractive.

Do you want to meet someone in Indiana? Stop trying to meet someone. Start being someone. Start building a life that is full and rich and interesting. And the right person will show up. Because they will be drawn to your life, not to your profile.

The Conversation You Are Avoiding

I know you have been avoiding this conversation. I have been there. I have had that knot in my stomach. I have rehearsed what I was going to say a hundred times.

Here is what I have learned. The conversation is never as bad as the waiting.

I had a client who waited nine months to have the conversation. Nine months. She was miserable. She was anxious. She was checking her phone constantly. She was a shell of herself.

When she finally had the conversation, the guy said he was not ready for a relationship. And she was crushed. But the next day, she slept through the night for the first time in nine months.

She told me, “I was so afraid of losing him. But I had already lost myself.”

Do not do it over text. Please. I am begging you. Do it in person. Over coffee. On a walk. Somewhere neutral.

And say exactly this. “I have really enjoyed getting to know you. I have developed real feelings. I need to know where we stand.”

That is it. No speech. No explaining yourself for twenty minutes. Just the truth.

Then stop talking. I know it is hard. I know you want to fill the silence. Do not. Let them speak.

If they give you a clear answer, you have something to work with. If they avoid it, that is your answer. If they say they need more time, give it to them. But pay attention. Do they actually come back with an answer? Or do they just keep avoiding it?

You already know. You have always known. You just did not want to admit it.

One Last Thing

I have seen a lot of heartbreak. I have seen a lot of mistakes. I have made a lot of mistakes myself.

And the one thing I have learned is this. You are not too much. You are not needy. You are not asking for too much.

You are asking for the bare minimum. Clarity. Honesty. Commitment.

And if someone cannot give you those things, they are not the one. Not because they are bad. Maybe they are just not ready. Maybe they are just not right for you.

But it does not matter why. What matters is what you do about it.

So do something. Step forward. Ask for what you want. And if they cannot give it to you, walk away.

Not because you are angry. Not because you are trying to punish them. Because you respect yourself enough to stop accepting less than you deserve.

That is not desperate. That is not needy.

That is just knowing your worth.

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