You’ll find it at the end of almost every romantic movie you watch. The two characters overcome their differences and occasional misunderstandings and discover unconditional love. Power cuts and credits roll. We assume they live happily ever after.
But in the reality of the modern love scene, a sane person might wonder: Is unconditional love in romantic relationships real, or just an emotional fantasy we create?
We’ll look at how real it is, how we can determine its potential in a relationship, and how we can unlock the concept.
What is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is an infinite concept. It’s complete love. A love without ulterior motives or expectations. Sounds pretty difficult, doesn’t it? But let’s take a look at what unconditional love is and the feelings behind it.
Unconditional love means the absence of any attachment
That’s the basis of the concept. It encompasses not only the present but also a promising future. Everything may seem perfect today, but be aware that your relationship will go through different stages, many of which will range from the unpleasant to the downright disastrous.
Unconditional love means you won’t hesitate during these periods.
For example, he may begin to have persistent professional problems that will worsen your financial situation, or he may have an accident that will change him forever and make him seem like a very different person from the one you fell in love with.
Total acceptance
This means he accepts you completely, buttons and all. This level of intimacy is difficult to achieve because unconditional love means he also stops trying to change any negative traits you may have.
He still expects you and your relationship to improve, but he understands that it’s your positive and negative sides that make you who you are.
For example, you may daydream all the time and miss important events, but they’ve also understood that it’s this trait that makes you spontaneous and romantic. You need to be a source of pride and satisfaction for each other.
Forgiveness
Unconditional love doesn’t mean you won’t argue about problems from time to time. Expressing and working through problems and grievances is essential to a healthy relationship, otherwise, you risk repressing them and raising your stress hormones1.
But as well as expressing these feelings, you also need to find a way to forgive and overcome them. This means trying to find a solution based on mutual respect, realizing that you’re both vulnerable people who make mistakes and actively listening to each other.
Trust and security
What does it mean to love someone unconditionally and receive love in return? Essentially, it means feeling safe with that person. Safe to be yourself, safe to talk about your weaknesses, but above all, safe to be sure that, whatever the changes, whatever the difficulties, this person is there for you and have you.
That’s why most of us often associate unconditional love with family love, especially with our parents. Before we find unconditional romantic love, our parents are often the first people our instincts tell us to turn to in difficult times or when we need unwavering support.
What unconditional love isn’t
It’s important to know that there’s a fine line between unconditional love and toxic love. Indeed, in relationships, they often overlap in the Venn diagram. So you also need to ask yourself when it’s beneficial and when it represents a real threat to your well-being.
Permission to do everything
Unconditional love is deep trust. This feeling must stem from how the person has behaved in the past and how they use your trust. Many people tend to get tired of relationships, which can lead to them starting to abuse the freedom you give each other.
They start behaving in ways that suit them, using your love and trust for their ends without thinking about how it affects you. You may start to neglect your time, miss important moments in the relationship, or even become unfaithful.
When it comes to unconditional love
It may seem petty to differentiate between true love and unconditional love, but there is a difference. Unconditional love is constant and not based on mutual expectations or an ongoing chemistry that makes love seem unshakeable.
The unconditional version comes into play when things inevitably fall apart. Entropy – the idea that all systems go haywire – is nowhere more evident than in romantic relationships. That’s why it’s important to keep an eye on your partner’s behavior when the bad days come.
Lack of respect for each other
Without a mutual and honest understanding of what it means to respect each other, you can’t hope for unconditional love.
Relationship problems should be honestly explored and addressed when they arise, rather than expecting lasting love to be some kind of endlessly rolled out carpet under which conflicts can be swept away.
You may find that the other person is forcing you to do things that you know are outside your boundaries, such as sexual norms, or making unilateral decisions without your consent, such as expensive purchases. This is a sign that he is abusing your affection.
Neglecting yourself
When it comes to how to love unconditionally, it’s not about always putting yourself second, it’s about finding space in your life to put yourself first.
Yes, it requires some sacrifice, but it has to be on both sides. You shouldn’t feel insurmountable pressure to fulfill his every wish but find new compromises so that you both feel supported and fulfilled.
For example, if he likes to be active outdoors and you don’t, you should find activities together that make you feel comfortable but still fully support him.
5 signs of Unconditional Love and how it Should Be Manifested in Relationships
So far, we’ve covered what is healthy and what is unhealthy altruistic love. Now we’ll look at how unconditional love looks in a relationship and what signs you should look for.
1. You miss him/her when you are not with him/her
There is a natural honeymoon phase in a relationship where you want to spend every second together. However, it must be said that this feeling remains even when the relationship matures and goes through other phases.
That doesn’t mean you should pursue it, it just means you should always feel a little incomplete without it. It’s important to note that you should make sure that the time you spend together is quality time because it’s healthy to have time for yourself and time with the other important people in your life.
2. You are a safe place for each other
When something goes wrong in your partner’s life, you should be the first person they turn to for support and comfort. And correspondingly, you should be their rock. Someone who stays calm and positive when things aren’t going well so they have solid emotional support.
This means that sometimes you have to put up with their eccentricities and the irrationality they sometimes display when they are stressed. It’s not about you solving the other person’s problems, but about being a source of support and love for them while they adjust and solve their problems.
3. Unconditional love is about getting to know the other person on a much deeper level
Remember that unconditional love is something that develops over time. It does not appear overnight. One of the reasons for this is how deeply and intimately you know your partner and it can take time to get to know a person as a whole.
This means not only hurting each other and knowing each other’s life story – which is natural – but also unconscious things that your partner may not know, such as how they react to certain events or how they cheer up.
4. Bragging about you at every opportunity
You should be their pride and joy. They don’t have to take you around town on a floating platform and tell passersby about your wonderful nature, but they should take every opportunity to include you in their social life (with a healthy dose of social distance) and tell people in conversations how special you are to them.
You should feel the same way, unconditional love should make you thoughtful and articulate when it comes to matters that concern them. You should feel intense pride and love for them and their lives when you think of them.
5. If you don’t feel the need to ask for their love or support
This shows that you know your partner well. You should be able to intuitively recognize when you are not yourself and need support.
Sometimes this can be spontaneous, such as writing her a little love note in a place you know she’ll find it, telling her you’re thinking of her, or preparing a special lunch for her at work.
You should also pay attention to your partner and try to make her feel loved and cared for, even if she doesn’t realize she needs it.
How to Find Unconditional Love
Learning to love someone unconditionally takes effort on both sides. But there are ways to nurture that love and look for signs of it in a new relationship: “Can someone love someone unconditionally?
Let’s look at some tips on how to build an effective relationship for this purpose
- No one can love you unconditionally until you love yourself. You will always be defensive and not believe you deserve it. So your journey begins with self-love.
- Communicate openly with each other. It may be a little uncomfortable or confrontational at first, but you will create free and clear communication patterns for the future.
- Learn to express your love healthily. It is easy to resort to more harmful methods, such as acting out to get his attention or subtly trying to make him jealous but keeping your expressions positive will naturally deepen intimacy.
- Finding a somewhat compatible partner can also promote unconditional love. This is because, from the beginning, their psychology and attitudes set the stage for a natural complement in their relationship.
However, each relationship is different, so you should find your way as well.
Unconditional Love Means Being Loved, Not Abused
Loving the other person unconditionally is something you can learn to do on your own.
It is not something that is sewn into the fabric of their relationship from day one, but rather a product of a deeper chemistry that extends to many aspects of their lives.
It takes time, patience, compromise, and above all, a love that not only deepens over time, but becomes something deeper – a life that both parties truly share.
At datingmidnight, we want to focus on the science of compatibility in the matching process, and by sharing our platform with members who are serious about the process of finding a unique relationship, we want to give new love the best chance to blossom into unconditional love.
So, stop procrastinating and find your match now by signing up for a free account on datingmidnight.
How to Develop Healthy Unconditional Love
Even in healthy relationships, the above problems can arise. Abusive language is exchanged in arguments, sometimes leading to infidelity. Davis explains, “What makes it toxic is that it’s never dealt with, it’s always accepted.”
And as we move through life together in a relationship like marriage, outside forces inevitably enter the picture. Children are born, family members leave, and illness and financial difficulties arise.
It is unrealistic to think that these things will not affect or question the love between two people. Successful relationships take effort, and there are ways to nurture love to make the relationship healthy and resilient, with room for both partners to be happy.
Davis recommends honest interactions early in the relationship to get to know each other’s needs and communication styles. It is important to understand each other’s personalities and differences. By doing so, she says, you can avoid resentment and martyrdom.
Sherman adds, “By taking responsibility for being the partner you want to be, rather than pointing fingers, you can develop a healthy, unconditional love.” Accept, respect, be kind, and forgive your partner.”
Remember that your partner is a human being with different perspectives, upbringings, and desires and that there needs to be enough room for both of you in the relationship,” Sherman adds.
For Winter, the idea of knowing her partner as a person and learning to say “I’m sorry” is an important part of maintaining healthy love. She uses the term “emotional control panel” to describe a person’s inner life and what drives them.
Understanding and mastering this, she says, is “essential to eliminating unnecessary arguments and friction.” Listen to your partner. Listen to what they are saying and find out why they feel this way or that way about an issue. By doing so, you will be in harmony with each other and a warm feeling will flow throughout the relationship.”
Sing up with Google